Tag Archive | Funny

On GenY Kids

I’m not very good with kids. I have this innate fear that if I hold a baby, I’ll drop it (her/him), break its neck, or do something else that I can’t even fathom. It has not been easy getting over this fear, but in order to overcome it I make a conscious effort to interact more with young kids. So the other day when we had a family with a five year old girl (B) over for dinner, I took it as the perfect opportunity to tell my brain to not be scared of kids. Turns out however, you should be!!

Scene One

B: Mumma, mai EF ko didi bolo ya aunty?

BM (B’s Mom): Beta, didi bolo.

B to me: EF didi, kya aap mere saath game play karogi?

EF : Haan, bolo what do you want to play? *Preparing mentally for house house or doctor doctor or teacher teacher*

B: Truth or dare

EF: *looking at BM and wondering if I heard right*

BM: ArreyEF, I’m so sorry.. pata nahi from where she learns all this. She forced me to play it with her yesterday and her dare was to make ten plaits out of my hair! It’s fun yaar, you should try..

EF: *Thinking feverishly of reasons I can make to save myself from looking like a clown*

B: Aapko darr lag raha hai? Mai aapke boyfriend ke baare mei nai poochongi.

EF *whispering to BM*: Where is she learning all this yaar? Is she really five?!

BM to B: Behave yourself B. Go to EF didi’s room, she’ll show you her new computer.

B: *Reluctantly* Okay

EF: *Reluctantly* Okay

Scene Two

B: Computer toh boring hai. Didi, aapka make up box kahan hai?

EF: Huh? kaunsa make up box?

B: Jismei woh muh pe lagane waali chizein hoti na? Red and yellow waali

EF: *Yes, it seems she is talking about lipstick.. and that too yellow lipstick*

EF: No B, I don’t use make up.

B: Oh, Isliye aapne apne lips pe color nai lagaya. Aap kitney boring ho!

EF: Aap make up use kartey ho?

B: Haan, kubbi kubbi jab mai birthday party mei jaati hun na. Mumma, school pehen ke nai jaane deti.

EF: Accha. Ye batao aapki best friend kaun hai?

B: School mei meri best friend C hai aur ghar pe D.

EF: D aapkey ghar ke paas rehti hai?

B: Haan, woh na humari captain hai.

EF: Captain? Kiski?

B: Chhupan Chhupai ki (hide N Seek ). Woh mujhe jeetne mei help karti hai.

EF: *Uncomfortably tongue tied again*

B: Aapko toh chhupan chupai khelna bhi nai aata hoga na?

It was a rude eye opener. Bacchey mann ke sacchey.. so first of all, B is right – I am boring. But I was so surprised at how different today’s five year olds are from what we were. Or was I the only one who belonged to some weird age where we played lock and key, chor and sipahi? And make up?  Is this what is known as the “Generation gap” that I complained about to my parents? I’ve become old *Sigh*

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Shaadi Saga

While reading my favourite blog, I was pinged by a friend (A), “Hey EF, hru? When r u getting married?”. First of all, I do not understand why people insist on saying “hru” instead of “how are you”, and each time they do it my stupid brain does this weird thing where it tries to pronounce the word and in the bargain, I totally forget that there is a person pinging me!

Anyway, I have been asked this question many times by this same person. What is interesting is how different our conversations have been each time.

First time (2 months before A’s marriage)

A: Hey EF, hru? When r u getting married?

EF: Hey, congrats on your wedding yaar. When is the D-Day? No plans for my shaadi as yet.

A: Thanks yaar 🙂 Wedding in 2 months. But I can’t wait anymore, wish to be with him now bass.

EF: Oh thats great! Just a few months more, sabr ka phal meetha hota hai 😛

A: Tum kitna sabr karogi?? What are u waiting for? Anyway, ur becoming old also.. jaldi shaadi karo nahi toh no one will marry u!

EF: !!

EF: What yaar A?? I’m just 26!

A: Oh God! i thought you were 25! You are elder to me by two years kya?

EF: Maybe.

A: Yaar EF, don’t be so lazy. Start looking for a boy now. See, if you want to have a baby by 30, you need to be married by 28. And you should know the boy for 1-2 years before that. You are running behind schedule yaar!!

EF: Umm..

A: Accha, what are you waiting for?

EF: Just want to be settled in my business. You know I started my own consultancy na?

A: Arrey EF, don’t be like those stupid career waala women who destroy their entire youth over a job.

EF: Don’t u think career is important?

A: Nothing is more important than a loving family.

EF: I agree A, but is Love enough?

A: It is EF, it is. When u shall fall in love u’ll know!

Second Time (3 months after A’s marriage)

A: Hey EF, hru?

EF: Hey! Loved your wedding pics on FB. Hows life?

A: Thanks. Bass yaar EF, donn ask.

EF: Why? What happened? So tired after the HM 😛

A: No yaar, I’m just fed up of him yaar!

EF: In 3 mths?!

A: Yeah, I feel like I have to change myself completely. Itna saara adjustment!

EF: Hmm.. adjustment toh karna padta hai.

A: Why can’t he adjust thoda sa?

EF: I’m sure he must be..

A: I dunno EF.. U be careful yaar. Boys na, they are very smart. You take your time. Any plans of marriage?

EF: No

A: Hmm, just be careful EF okay. i’m telling you. These boys, they think no end of themselves. they never stick to what they had promised before marriage. Haan, u get a pre-nup signed… like that Kim kardashian, okay?

EF: Umm.. thanks A for the advice.

Third time (A year after A’s marriage)

A: Hey EF, hru? When r u getting married?

EF: Why are u after my shaadi yaar? Btw, no plans of marriage.

A: No aise hi I asked. Take my advice EF, don’t get married. It’s the worst thing u can ever do.

EF: Really? *scared at what awaits me in the future*

A: Sach mei yaar. And if u ever want to get married, i suggest u first have a live in relationship with him.

EF: Yeah, we can invite our parents to the trial too!

A: Huh?

EF: Nothing yaar. Don’t be stupid.

A: I’m not being stupid. Mark my words, u shall regret getting married.. if u ever do!

EF: Okay, will tell parents that A says I shouldn’t get married!

A: Yeah EF. Especially career waala women like you. U people toh will not be able to adjust ekdum bhi.

EF: !!

Giving advice and asking about marriage plans, these are the favourite pass times of Indians, and when both of them are combined, it is a deadly concoction!

 

I would like to thank the blogger community, especially RM , SnS and IHM, for providing all of us with constant food for thought and inspiring me to take up the pen (keyboard?) again.